Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Attention (Dark) Characters of Lantern Hollow Press

Dear dark characters of Lantern Hollow Press,

This is a an official notice to inform you that the call for one Renard Breen's apprehension has been answered, and that the information-gathering phase of the operation has begun. While I do not condone the behavior of those of you here in the Dark Characters blog, it seems that Breen has been causing mischief in your worlds as well, and so I humbly as that you contact me (by commenting on this post) with any information deemed useful and appropriate for the capture of this menace. I will relay this information to the contractor, and therefore protect his identity. Please respond with information including but not limited to:

-perceived weaknesses or allergies
-patterns of behavior (if any)
-notable abilities and/or powers
-(for you magic-users out there) forms of magic capable of detaining and/or detecting the target
-last known whereabouts

Thank you for cooperating in this important endeavor.
-erikthereddest

Friday, November 12, 2010

What the &$^# was that?!

I caught him, I got Renard Breen. The little &@$%@#& showed up and tried to disrupt a ritual I was casting. Tipped over the candles which were containing all the energies and then set loose the goats for the sacrifice. That just annoyed me, then I thought the little $*&# should pay.

I hunted him down and bagged him, used a tracking spell I haven't needed in a few decades (thanks to computers) to track him down then bagged him with a couple illusions and a body bag...heh...body bags are so useful. Anyway, after I bagged the annoyance I figured, why not use him as a sacrifice, for something useful. So I lugged him back to my ritual cabin and set up a spell I've been meaning to work for a while now.

Anyway, that didn't work out so well 'cause the little &#^$ slipped it somehow, I opened up the bag and it was some leprechaun in a black tux and a top hat. He blasted me with something I've never seen before and then took off. If I ever see Renard Breen again I'm just gonna turn his head into chowder.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Renard Breen must not be allowed to reproduce.


I am Korluus, the Emerging, the Keeper of Relois.

I was conducting further experiments in the improvement of the cardio-pulmonary system through synthetic augmentation of the lungs and heart by injected fiber reinforcement. I was endeavoring to discover whether or not there was a significant difference in the survival rates of subjects undergoing the treatment (involving the direct injection of a heated liquid fiber compound into the lining of the lungs and heart) who have been allowed limited pain relief and those who are allowed no pain relief at all.

While so engaged, I received an urgent notice on my monitor. When I answered, I heard nothing more than labored breathing and therefore disconnected the line. The monitor almost immediately notified me of another call. An unfamiliar voice asked me if something called a "refrigerator" was running. I presumed that this referred to my cooling unit and therefore I replied that it seemed to be operating within acceptable limits. This person replied that if that was so then I should "catch it," and then disconnected the line. Before I had even pierced the next subject's sternum with the needle, my monitor called again. This time the same voice asked if I "had Prince Albert in a can." Upon accessing my records, I found that in point of fact an "Albert" had been killed by the plague in the first wave of deaths, but that his remains had been dissected and disposed of several solar shifts later. I discussed this fact with the caller and described the dismemberment process slowly and in great detail to him; he seemed to be at a loss for words and did not interrupt me again.

Apparently, my caller was this "Renard Breen" creature. I have sent my Arc Priests on a full sweep of the surrounding territory with orders to detain and sterilize him before he can do any damage to the genetic pool.

Also, I found that the endorphins produced by the pain response aid in proper bonding. I have therefore ceased to use anesthetic in this procedure. I do find the screaming to be distracting.

I am Korluus, the Emerging, the Keeper of Relois.

Reward: 50 Gs for Renard Breen, Preferably Dead (but Alive is Okay)

That dirty rat Renard Breen's gone too far this time! That guy's gotten on my last nerve; I'm offering a reward of fifty Gs to the first guy (or dame, I ain't picky) who shoots the miserable louse. Or you can bring him to me and I'll have the pleasure myself.

What did he do, you ask? Well, first the creep magically changes all the hooch in my best speakeasy into old dishwater mixed with iodine. I wouldn't mind so much if it'd been the joint down in the working class part of town; the customers there ain't the kind likely to notice the difference, if you get me. But that dirty, double-crossing rat picked my classiest joint! The customers there ain't the sort accustomed to bad recipes; I lost more dough last night than I lost the last time the bulls pulled a raid and shut me down for week.

And if that don't slay you, listen to the other gup that Breen pulled: He unfixed all the fixed races I had going at the track. Imagine my touts, building up for a real sweet set-up, only to have all the wrong horses come in first! I lost over a hundred Gs! That &$^#$ Breen!

If you so much as see that piker, get in touch with me or one of the boys. If you catch him or shoot him, that's fifty Gs for you. And that's on the level; I ain't just flapping my gums.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

URGENT!

Attention all dark and/or evil characters:

I'm not certain how, but Renard Breen has escaped from his story and has gone rogue. I have no idea where he's gotten to, but this is very bad.

Renard is not evil or malicious (like the majority of you), but he is a piskie, and is not to be trusted. He enjoys pulling pranks, creating chaotic situations, and just messing up people's lives in small or large annoying ways. He has no respect or fear of evil, so I would not put it past him to mess around with any plans you may have in the works.

Renard is about five foot six, has a slender physique, and appears to be between his mid-twenties to mid-thirties (actually, he's much older, but piskies hide their age well for the first hundred years or so). He has short reddish-brown hair and bright, amber-colored eyes. He is usually very jovial.

If you see Renard, approach him with caution. He's not dangerous, as I said before, but he is very quick and spry, not to mention creative and intelligent. He has a particular fondness for cream, so if you were to offer him a bowl of it, he might let his guard down enough to be caught. Renard is afraid of cats, so you might also be able to use that to your advantage. I do ask that you not hurt him, as I do need him in his series of stories.

Please help me catch Renard quickly! He's too much of a troublemaker to be allowed to remain on the loose.

Oh, and if Mal DaPone reads this: Please, please don't kill Renard. I know you have good reason to hate him, but to be fair, he has actually been of use to you in the past. Is it really fair to bear a grudge just because of a few little/medium/large pranks he's pulled on you?

Sunday, October 31, 2010

A Meeting With The King

An "OLAF" creature has asked that I post something to this group. I have agreed, but I shall enjoy the subsequent dissection process all the more because of it. I doubt, though, that I will find much of use inside him to further my pursuit of perfection.

He seems to be quite the idiot.

I am Korluus, the Emerging, the Keeper of Relois

A Meeting With The King

The priest king Horash, Horash the undying, the ever-wakeful king; Seshmut considered the many names of his lord as he sat in the comfortable antechamber, it's softly luxurious divans arrayed along one wall facing a beautifully carved mural. The room smelled of sweet spices and scented oils, probably burning in the ensconced torches that lined the walls and, though it was silent, Seshmut imagined he could hear the ghost of distant music softly played.

Seshmut was a mere two hundred years old, far too young to be meeting the ancient lord of the blessed sands. His black ma'iyl whispered softly as he crossed one knee over the other and reclined more comfortably on the divan. He turned his gaze to the mural covering the upper-half of the opposite wall. He had already memorized all the tales of the great resurrection, he knew of the plague of Elioshi that the spiteful god had released upon his followers, he knew of the gifts of Sehalel when great Horash had turned his people away from that bitter god and ordained among them a new deity to worship.

He had even memorized the generally forbidden tales of the Yeter, those heretical worms who capricious Elioshi had spared from the plague. Seshmut gazed now on the beautiful carving of the great cavern around which the city of Haru-Nephesh was built, and the group of priests and nobles depicted standing at its entrance, he knew the tales of each one, even the foolish Amon-hur, the priest who had turned on Horash and become the first sacrifice to beautiful Sehalel.

The doors to the kings personal chamber swung open, two skeletal servants, their glistening bones scoured of any fleshly remains that may disparage their grim beauty, standing behind them, the gems that adorned the forheads and eyes of the creatures glinted softly in the lamplight. From between the doors stepped an imposing figure, taller than normal for a Neshilim, his head was shaved and bore the scarifications of the priesthood, the priest's spell which enraptured the minds of lesser beings.

The man stepped forward, entering the room with a slow and deadly grace that bespoke skill born of long decades of harsh practice. Then he bowed, though not low, the tails of his gray beged falling loosely below the blackened iron rings of his armor, the leather of his sword's scabbard rubbing against his leg. When he rose he gestured curtly toward the door with one hand, the other resting comfortably on the hilt at his waist. In a courteous tone he said “The king will see you now Serpent-Child Seshmut. If you would follow me.”

The statement was a command, couched in a silky, non-threatening voice, not a request and Seshmut rose immediately to join the man, though he suspected that it was not a man at all. Seshmut stared at the the guide's armored back as he walked behind him into the short hallway between the antechamber and the king’s private meeting rooms. “You are…well, aren’t you?” he whispered, his voice shaky, hesitant with fearful expectancy.

“Yes, I am.” There was a smile suggested in the man’s tone, a thin smile that spoke of indifferent yet absolute authority, “I am an immortal, one of the kings chosen few,” he looked back, a harsh glint in his one visible gray eye, his lip turned upward to reveal a single sharp tooth, “even the priesthood does well to fear us.”

Seshmut gulped involuntarily, “I…” he started, his voice quivering slightly, “I will remember that.”

The immortal faced forward again, though Seshmut could still see that single sharp tooth in his mind, and hear the smile in the immortal's voice as he replied, “Good, then all is as it should be.”

The short walk ended in a pair of elegant doors cut from some black wood that seemed to gulp in the hallways light, never to be released, Seshmut could barely make out patterns carved into the doors, they reminded him of the priest's spell, but more intricate, more elegant, more deliciously intriguing and they seemed to twist and move in the darkness of the doors themselves. Seshmut stared for a few moments, caught up in the patterns, then tore his eyes away to find his dreadful guide watching him intently. The man was smiling widely now, his sharp, white teeth fully revealed and the scent of old and rotten meat heavy upon his breath, Seshmut took a step back.

“Good,” the immortal's soft voice caressed his ears, “we eat those who are too caught up in the mysteries.” Then he opened the doors and allowed Seshmut to pass.

Seshmut trembled as he passed the immortal and entered the chamber beyond, it was small, but brightly lit with well appointed furnishings, the kind of luxury that only immense wealth or royalty could afford. Horash, reclining on a divan in the center of the room, had both. A low table of exotic wood, a rich and polished red, sat before him, ancient texts lain out upon it, along with a silver pitcher, from which rose the fruity smell of a sweet wine, and two silver cups. Black eyes transfixed him and Seshmut stopped just inside the doorway, he stood shivering under his king’s cold gaze. Then the eyes moved on and the king waved a careless hand at the divan opposite his, “Lay down, relax. This is simply an informal meeting.”

Seshmut walked slowly, cautiously to the divan and awkwardly reclined upon it as the king poured two glasses of the fruity wine and offered one to him. As Seshmut grasped the cup, and brought it gratefully to his lips, the king spoke, his soft voice seeming a thunderous retort in the still and fearful silence of the room. “I have followed your progress Seshmut, you are a good student, and will make a fine priest. But your teachers report that you are still hesitant in the sacrifices. Why is that?”

Seshmut stiffened further in his divan, he woodenly drew the cup from lips and licked them twice, then, staring steadfastly at the table, he replied, “It is not that I feel any sympathy for the lesser races my king, if that is what you think. But, the blood, it seems so…unclean.” As the last word left his wet and trembling lips he lifted his eyes to meet those of the king, another cold shiver causing him to spill a little wine on his robe.

The king smiled, lips spread wide enough to show his teeth, in mirth, “I see, the lesser races are unclean, which is why our god demands them in sacrifice. We are chosen Seshmut, we are the chosen of Sehalel, the people called by his name.” Horash paused at this, reaching down to casually flip open one of the books that sat, like patient scholars, waiting to share their knowledge, “You know the story of the first ritual. That right was the first, and last, time that Sehalel demanded his own people in sacrifice.” The king's eyes--deep, black pits whose depths Seshmut could not plumb--shot up to transfix Seshmut once again, his voice now harsh, hungry, for what Seshmut did not know, “The power of the blood fuels our rituals; it is the power that supports our empire. But to use such pure blood as our own would dishonor Sehalel.” The king smiled softly and his voice returned to its former tone, though now Seshmut could not decide whether the soft echo was more pleasing--or more disturbing, “The lesser races are nothing but food and fuel to us, even our cousins, the Yeter…no, especially our cousins, who denied the gifts of Sehalel and serve the thrice cursed . What better use have they?”

“I know my king,” Seshmut stumbled over his words in awkward hurry, “it is simply a…a compulsion, I feel the blood flow over my hands and a desperate need to be clean quickly follows it.” His eyes dropped down to the table again, his face reddening slightly, “I have no excuse.”

Horash nodded, silvery hair bobbing slightly with the movement, as he considered Seshmut's dilemma, “Even so, this compulsion is not something undefeatable,” He reassured the young priest. “I will speak with your instructors; they will help you through this. You have a great future Seshmut, I can see it in you, great things await you, things that will benefit this empire forever.”

Seshmut stared, he had no response to the king's rarely given praise. He lifted his shaking hand to take another long drink from the wine and wondered at the compliment, the silence grew heavy and he realized that the king was waiting for a reply, “I, um,” he faltered, not sure what to say, “I will try to live up to your expectations.”

The king smiled mirthfully again, then waved a dismissive hand, “You may go Seshmut, return to your duties and remember that Sehalel has given us dominion over the lesser races, they exist to serve us, unclean or not.”

Seshmut rose and walked out of the room, his guide returned to escort him, though he felt it no favor. As the doors closed behind them a tapestry at the back of the room was pushed aside and Abin'kor, head of the instructors at Keber-Shenephesh, stepped out of the passage hidden behind it. “Your orders my king?”

Horash drained his cup and then, without turning, said, “Involve him in more sacrifices, help him to make the transition. That one has much promise; I don’t want him lost to squeamishness.”

Abin'kor inclined his head, “As you command my king.”

The Burning One

I can see it in your faces, you do not understand. You do not know the might of Gabaimi'kuna, you do not know the hunger of the burning one. I have walked through fire, I have stood in the flame, I know...my flesh stands in testament to my knowledge.

Gabaimi'kuna is not like the others, he is not satisfied with knowledge, nor with tribute. He does not simply grant his blessings. The knowledge of Gabaimi'kuna is carved into your flesh, into you mind, into your heart...Kanai...would you even deign to look upon me now?

It matters not. The flesh is week, this is the secret knowledge of the burning one, the flesh is weak and must be purified by the flame for true strength to grow. Hear me people of the lands, I have seen among you much weakness, much corruption, much disgrace...it grieves me. So I invite you, come and let me show you the glories of Gabaimi'kuna, as I will show them to the Nokowo, as I will show them to Kanai, as I will show them to Jan.