Pesky Piskie Fun

I may have mentioned it before, but what comes first with me is fun. Good, underhanded, dirty, rotten, sneaky fun.

You know what's really fun? Yanking the last few pages out of novels at the public library. Or sometimes, I yank a few from the beginning or middle. Hee hee, never gets old! Golly do they get angry! I remember one old man once got so peeved by the time he got to the third novel I'd "altered" a bit, he slammed the book down on a desk, broke the spine of it clean in half, then broke his own glasses in half too, for good measure. Next thing, he stormed out, looking like he'd just had the toilet shatter under him in the men's room -- oh wait, that did happen to him just before he left the library, come to think of it. That was another really good prank I thought up. Messy, but very effective.

Prohibition was loads of fun, too. Golly, I miss it. The folks would all buy from bootleggers or pour into the speakeasies, and I'd just randomly change the liqueur for my own special brews. Soap and vinegar in one bottle, fruit juice and turpentine in another, once in a while even some pickle juice mixed with rancid swamp water and grape juice. One little wave of the finger and my brews traded places with the bootleg brews. Oh, the folks got swaffled all right, but not the way they intended! Jeepers do I miss those days! Too bad ole Roosevelt had to get elected and spoil my fun.

Sometimes when I'm bored, I go to the supermarket and use my magic to change the labels on canned goods. You know, make the people think they're getting green beans, when really its sauerkraut or stewed prunes. Hee hee hee, makes me tear up from laughing just to remember the times I've seen a hefty housewife come storming back into the store, excess upper arm skin swinging away, and threaten the poor scrawny old grocer within an inch of his life . . . and all because of little ole me! Ah, that's the life!

Today I had a bit of fun at work. See, the old man's pretty little secretary, Anne Something-or-other (I'm lousy with names) has this fella she goes around with. Not nearly good enough for her, of course, but she's a working girl so she keeps her standards low. Well this fella sent her some flowers today, and it just set her off, smiling and constantly having to smell the things. It occurred to me that a bit of hay fever would liven things up, but then I got the real lightbulb. Conjured up a few bees, stuck 'em in a few of the flowers, and then made 'em a little cranky while Anne was in the powder room. Galloping gallbladders, you never saw a woman shriek the way she did when she took a few healthy sniffs and got two nostrils full of bumblebees! Turned the whole office upside down; I had to dig my thumbnails into my sides just to keep a straight face. Course the old man was put out, but I fixed him. Spiked his coffee with something a little more cheerful than milk, and pretty soon the old man was just as happy as the devil at a law school. Kept whistling as he worked; I swear I saw the old man skip on his way to the elevator at the end of the day.

Well sir, time for me to be hitting the hay. When I get too little sleep, I get sloppy. Didn't turn out too well for the dame what runs the bakery down the street. Ah well, at least the hair only grows in places where she can shave it off.